WAND WORK FOR EMOTIONAL DEPTH, EJACULATORY CONTROL by Sasha Lessin,
Ph.D.

Sasha: Janet received this email from a female correspondent and
referred it to me for comment. I intercalate some comments, then add
some text
from our training manual.

Wand work and base blessing, outlined in the article following the
correspondent's query, is designed to elicit and reprogram any self-
limiting programs or blocks to pleasure and emotional intimacy.

THE EMAIL
Correspondent: I had questions or issues regarding the Lingam massage
which I have been attempting on a partner recently and hoping to
improve upon.
So I'm not sure if I should be directing this email to Sasha to get a
male's
perspective? But any help, advice, or feedback is appreciated.

According to a brief text I have read online, when giving a lingam
massage, that we should actually 'back off' from ejaculating since it
is NOT the goal of the lingam masssage. However, I suppose since we
are fairly new and inexperience, and also perhaps he is not relaxed
enough, our massages usually do result in ejaculation. The text has
no mention of oral pleasure during the lingam massage process but was
wondering if its something that is or can be normally part of a
massage? Or something that can be incorporated?

[Sasha: We highly recommend oral honoring as part of the sequence,
see below]

Correspondent continues: Either I'm still learning how to give a more
effective massage or maybe my partner is still learning better
control (or both) but I have noticed that i am
more inclined to provide oral during our massage sessions (which might
be incorrect for a "true" lingam massage). OR, by providing oral,
does it no longer qualify as a massage? Admittedly, before we giving
a honest attempt at a lingam massage, I normally would just give 'blow
jobs' and that pretty much served as our "massage". And based on the
text, I always feel like I have not done a proper job with the massage
and with the site of ejaculation triggers a reaction to immediately to
provide oral and ultimately swallow any of the semen (which im not
positive is or is not a part of tantra).

[Sasha: Swallowing honors your lover; male ejaculate contains about 2
calories]

Correspondent: So I'm not sure if any of this made any sense as I
probably started rambling a little bit, and asked a bunch of
questions, but just
basically wanted to know about incorporating oral/fellatio to a
lingam massage
if at all possible. We have so far finding it difficult to withhold
ejaculation
during the lingam massage which I've read is something that we should
have
better control of and if you have any advice on improved control,
that would be
appreciated.

[Sasha: I provide very detailed, 100% effective means of ejaculatory
control below; your lover may need to be shown how to achieve
complete control or he may be able to achieve it by following the
instructions I provide below.]

Correspondent: OR should we NOT try to withhold ejaculation during
the lingam massage? I'm not positive if the text is just one
interpretation of
the lingam massage, but I know with your experience and background,
you might
provide a better answer and shed some light on giving a more
effective lingam
massage.

GRATIFY A GUY by Sasha Lessin, Ph.D. schooloftantra@aol.com

Give all-chakra satisfaction to a man; you're Giver.
Gratify a Guy, the set of experiences below, gives the man the
support and emotional access he needs for integrated sexual and
spiritual connection in lovemaking.

Giver, reserve four hours with your Receiver in a lovely,
peaceful, private sanctuary. Arrange music, flowers, incense, food,
your costume and your body to delight him. Then do the
exercise, "Put Him in the Mudra".

PUT HIM IN THE MUDRA
Lie on your sides; face each other.

Put your right hands on each other's hearts

Put your left hands on one another's perineums. Chant "Lam"
three times; tighten your rosebud sphincter after each. Send energy
from your base chakra to his and say, together, "I wish you health,
safety and security".

Move your left hands to each others' genitals, send each
other sexual energy and chant " Vam" three times and squeeze your PC
muscles. Send each other sexual energy with each "Vam". Say, with
each other, "I wish you sensual delight and sexual satisfaction."

Raise left hands to each others' bellies. Chant "Ram" three
times and, with each "Ram," send empowerment rays through your hands
into each others' bellies. Say, to one another, "May you take
what's yours in life."

Put your left hands on each others' right hands, at each
others' hearts. Send love and chant "Yam" together three times.
Say, "I love you; I receive your love."

Lift left hands to the back of each other's throats.
Chant "Ham" three times together and feel the throats vibrate. Hear
(in your mind's ear) words you'd say, songs you'd sing each other.
Make a sound together. Say, "Tell your truth."

Put your foreheads together, look in each other's eyes, place
left hands each others' heads. Chant "Ooo" three times and
experience psychic contact. See your other lives together.
Say, "You know."

Put your left hands on each others' crowns and chant "Mmm"
three times. Picture radiant energy flashes between your crowns.
Fantasize that you meld into a single spiritual being with two
complementary parts–not just a dyad, but a two-part spirit, a
synergad. Say, "We are one."

LOOK AT LESSONS HE LEARNED WITH HIS LOVERS

Lie on your back. Relax. [Give him time] Put my left hand
on your heart, my right on your lingum (penis) and jewels (testicles)
and put your hands atop mine. Close your eyes. [Take three deep
breaths, imagine sending energy into his heart through your right
hand, receiving it through your left.] Ok, let's gently release our
hands; lower them.

Feel your genitals--your sexual chakra; notice your heart,
your love chakra.

Reconsider your lovers from days gone. Tell me their names,
I'll write them. ***
Lover 1 [Write it]
Lover 2
Lover 3
Lover 4
Etc.

For each lover on this list,
a) Tell me the YEARS you were involved and how old you were,
*** [Write them next to the name indicated]

b) Say WHERE you were when you related to her, the key
EVENTS in your relationship *** [Take notes next to the name
indicated]

c) Tell me your EMOTIONAL AND SEXUAL SHARING with each. ***


d) Tell the DEVELOPMENTAL TASKS YOU COMPLETED with each.

e) Summarize the events, sexual and emotional sharing and
the developmental tasks we've experienced together. ***

f ) Imagine [Lover 1: Say her or his name] is
before you. Toward her, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you
could have shared with her or him. ***

g) Express to her or him any WITHHELD FEELINGS, things you
didn't get to say.***

h) Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS ***

i) As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him
your DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him ***

j) Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***

k) Tell her or him what you REGRET. Tell her what you
FORGIVE her or him for ***

l) Tell [Lover 1: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU
LEARNED from being together. ***

m) FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

n) Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

o) How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in
the relationship with [Lover 1: Say her or his name]?
***

p) How can you apply that improvement to your relationship
with me? ***

Imagine [Lover 2: Say her or his name] is before
you. Toward her or him, express your LONGINGS, what you wished you
could have shared with her or him. ***

Express toward [Lover 2] any WITHHELD FEELINGS,
things you didn't get to say fully ***

Tell her or him your RESENTMENTS ***

As you imagine her or him before you, tell her or him your
DEMANDS, what you really wanted from her or him***

Say, to her or him, your APPRECIATIONS ***

Tell her what you REGRET. Tell her what you FORGIVE her or
him for ***

Tell [Lover 2: Say her or his name] WHAT YOU
LEARNED from being together. ***

FORGIVE YOURSELF aloud for not doing better. ***

Bid her or him FAREWELL. ***

How, if you had it to do over, would you DO BETTER in the
relationship with [Lover 2: Say her or his name]? ***

How can you apply that improvement to your relationship with
me/a lover [select appropriate object]? ***

WORK HIS WAND

The man lies on his back. The Giver rests a hand on his
heart and dedicating the focus on him to his healing and the healing
of all men. Then let him set his intention in receiving your love.

Massage him all over except his genitals and base anal chakra.

Treat the Receiver to the following HAND STROKES [suggested
by Charles Muir, Lingam Strokes, Source Tantra, 1997] about five
minutes each. Encourage him to make sounds, give verbal feedback and
pulse his anal sphincter whenever he feels uncomfortable.

Press along his wand with your hand or thumb and
index finger.
Scratch wand lightly.

Pat and slap it lightly.

Throw it from one of his thighs to the other and from
one of your hands to the other.

Point the tip of his penis toward his navel, hold the
base in one hand and, with the heel of your other hand, press penis
from tip to base, them from base to tip.

Slide your hands and pull the wand; vary strokes from
hard to feather-like.

Lubricate your hands. Hold the base of his wand with
one hand and twist the other around the wand in a corkscrew motion.
Alternate hands.

Point his wand toward his navel and alternate
pressing the tip with your thumbs.

Trace circles on the tip and each part of the shaft.

Point the penis toward his feet and caress it from
tip to base.

Roll the wand between your hands.

Tickle and scratch his scrotum.

Lightly hold each testicle separately.

ADD ORAL STIMULATION to his lingam. Salivate generously on
the tip and if he is uncircumsized, gently work back his foreskin.
Lick and kiss every part of his lingam and jewel sack as you
simultaneously stoke his lingum and massage his perineum with your
fingers. Gently stroke, lick, then put your mouth over his jewels.

As you run your lips down the shaft, trace the penile tissue
through his scrotum and along his perineum. Twirl your tongue around
the crown of his penis the way you would like him, if you are a
female Giver, to twirl his tongue around your clitoris through the
clitoral hood. Look up into his eyes as you lick the underside of
his wand, let him see your love for him in your eyes.

Let your tongue move in opposite directions from a corkscrew motion
you
make on his wand with your hands.

Receiver should exercise ejaculatory control. To avoid
squirting before ready, Receiver identifies sensations the moment
before ejaculatory inevitability–sensations just before seminal
vesicles and prostrate empty. If Receiver does ejaculate, swallow
his ejaculate and thank him. You'll at a later time resume your
attentions to his lingam until he learns ejaculatory control.

EJACULATORY CONTROL METHOD: After inhale, Receiver moves his
chin back toward his throat, keeping his neck straight and long. Then
he exhales. While empty of air, Receiver pulls belly in and up toward
his throat). He tightens his anal sphincter and pubococcygeal muscles–
pretends he's stopping urination or preventing vacating bowels. He
imagines pulling energy up from his rosebud and genitals, up through
his spine, out the top of his head and into the Giver's crown
(instead of out Receiver's wand as ejaculate). When he inhales, he
imagines he's pulling energy into his genitals from the Giver.

Avoid last-second ejaculatory blocking techniques such as
squeezing the head of the penis or pushing the external perineum from
outside the body through the intervening tissue into the ejaculatory
duct, thus blocking it. Such mechanical interference with fluid
being pushed out yet prevented from exit may damage the urethra.


BLESS HIS BASE
Breathe together. Adore the Receiver with your eyes, while
you hold his wand. Caress Receiver's wand, jewel sack, jewels and
perineum with your fingers, hands, breasts, lips, tongue, genitals
and other part's he might find pleasurable or interesting. Touch,
hold, then massage each inch of Receiver's perineum and rosebud (the
entrance to his cave).

Receiver says what he feels, remembers and imagines as Giver
holds Receiver's wand in one hand and, with the ring finger of the
other hand, traces the door to Receiver's cave. If the Receiver
tenses but wants to continue, Giver tells him to control the pace,
pressure and depth of digital penetration by pressing his cave onto
the Giver's finger.

When the Giver's finger first enters the Receiver's rosebud,
Giver and Receiver remain motionless for a few minutes. Maintain eye
contact and breathe together. Encourage the Receiver to emote,
giggle and make sounds. Make sounds with the Receiver. Giver sends
love to the Receiver though the finger in the Receiver's cave and
through the hand or mouth on the Receiver's wand.

Then Giver begins a gentle, "come-here" motion with the ring
finger. Giver fondles the front inner wall of Receiver's cave,
pulling gently from the pubic bone toward the jewels. Giver moves
her or his finger like a windshield wiper over the front wall of
Receiver's cave. Giver traces circles and figure-eights on the wall
of Receiver's anal cave. Giver alternates speed, depth and pressure
of stroke. See, in Receiver's eyes, the effects of touches. Giver
says, "Tell me if any place I touch inside you feels pleasurable,
hurts, burns or feels numb." Remember the spots Receiver finds
pleasurable.

If Receiver notices a painful, numb or burning spot, ask him
to close his eyes and notice his fantasies, memories and
associations. Encourage him to express his emotions as he shares.
Ask him how he'd re-do the scenes he associates with his pain.

(When Caroline, my Giver, massaged my cave three months after
Joan, my wife of twenty years abruptly left me for a younger man, I
released all the tears I'd held in.)

Giver says, "If you'd lived the way you preferred, how would
your life have been different? How would you be now?"

Then, Giver, move your finger back and forth from the spot
that had the painful association for Receiver to a spot the that had
a pleasurable association for the Receiver until Receiver reports
both spots feel good. Tell him to remember, in situations that
resonate his painful imprints, that he can live from his re-done
scene (with its growth pattern)-- rather than from the self-limiting
program associated with the story he recalled. He has, remind him,
choice.

Sasha Lessin, Ph.D., www.schooloftantra.com

Dr. Sasha and Janet Kira Lessin teach tantra techniques in their
weeklong training programs on Maui, privately at other venues and
give phone consultations as well. Call 808 244-4103 or write
schooloftantra@aol.com for more info.